Holidays and Grief
Written by Mia Carroll, November 28, 2024
Holidays are a time when people break from their usual routines, gather with loved ones, and celebrate special moments. Holidays are often linked to family traditions, cultural customs, and social expectations. However, for those who are grieving, the holiday season can bring up intense emotions and challenges. What makes this time so difficult for those who are grieving? Simply put, the absence of a family member, friend, or beloved pet can make the holidays feel very different. Grief can impact how you approach, prepare for, and experience these special days. If you're grieving during this time, here are a few things to keep in mind as you navigate the season.
Talk About It. Turn to a trusted friend, a family member, or your therapist. Do not worry about bringing other people down. Communication is a great method for processing life experiences and making meaning from them. If you believe that you do not have someone to turn to, consider scheduling a session at Treasure Valley Therapy, LLC; we will listen.
Create Boundaries: There is so much we can tell you about boundaries and their importance in your well-being. What we want to stress to you now, is that it is okay for you to set boundaries around your time during the holidays. There will be many productions you can go watch, gatherings that you might be invited to, community events, people who want to see you. You do not have to attend them all. Heck, you do not have to attend any if you do not want to. Prioritize your capacity and time.
Practice Simple Acts of Self-Care: Self-care does not have to be complex or expensive. You can take 5 minutes to reground yourself in a hard conversation or difficult situation. You can go for a walk or take a bath. Self-care is the initial act of attending to your emotional, physical, and mental needs.
Identify and Feel Your Emotions: You cannot regulate what you are not aware of. Understand that it is okay to feel all the emotions. Additionally, you can experience contradicting emotions at the same time. Emotions are one way in which your body is communicating with you. Listen. Then take the time to consider the messages they are sending. You can journal about your emotions, talk to friends or family members, or reach out to your therapist.
If you have a family member or friend who is grieving and appears to be struggling more during the holidays, here are some ways you can offer support and help empower them through their healing process.
Meet them where they are. Do not pressure them to be or feel something different. For now, they are redefining their life and the relationship(s) that have forever changed. Meet them where they are at and love them as they are.
Still invite them to gatherings, events, and other holiday activities that you think they might be interested in. If they do not participate, or decide at the last minute that they do not have the capacity to stay long, it is okay. Let them know how great it was to see them and that you are looking forward to spending more time with them when they are ready.
Simply listen when they are ready to talk. Death is not a problem that can be fixed, but comfort is a gift that you can give at any moment when you simply listen and hold space for their grief and mourning. Do not feel obligated to cry with them, but if the emotions elicit that response in you, give yourself permission to cry with them.
Honor the person they are grieving. There are many ways that you can honor someone who has died. One of the simplest ways is to use their name. You can ask if your friend or family member would like to share a favorite memory. You can do a simple act of kindness in their name. If you are planning a gathering you can set up an extra chair or have a symbolic memento to recognize those who have died. However, it is important that when planning larger tributes, you communicate with the bereaved prior to the event so that they can prepare for the emotions they may experience.
If you are struggling this holiday season, reach out to us at Treasure Valley Therapy, LLC. We're here to help connect you with a therapist who can provide a supportive and safe space for you to process your feelings.
